Saturday, June 23, 2012

Please Keira Knightly, 
I Really Don't Want 
To See Your Boobs

Can't I just have 
my imagination?

Recent winner of the coveted Pulitzer Prize for Journalism, Sir Jeremy Clarkson, said this of Keira:

"Keira Knightly is like 
an ironing board with a
face. But it works."

And he's right, of course. But there's a problem. 

Keira Knightly recently starred in A Dangerous Method, along with Viggo Mortensen and Michael Fassbender. I saw the film, and could see why it got good reviews, but it wasn't my cup of tea. I've never taken anything Freud had to say seriously. In reality, the man was a nut-job and a douche-canoe. So there. Nuh.

Another star makes an appearance in A Dangerous Method, though. Keira's tits.

And that's where my problem lies.

You see, I remember when Keira was just a teen, hamming it up in 2002's Bend It Like Beckham, a funny and engaging movie. But a year later she hit the big time.

 Elizabeth Swann with these two 
men to chose from. Poor girl

I also know that she was only sixteen when the first 2003's Pirates of the Caribbean was filmed. I enjoyed that movie, and thought she did a very good job - I should rephrase that, her performance bowled me over. 

It seems to me that an actress that's funny, beautiful and can actually act is a pretty rare combination. 

I want Keira to stay young and innocent, and I don't want her to see her tits. Seriously.


You don't want to see her boobs?

Nope. I also never wanted to see Meg Ryan's boobs...or Julia Roberts or anyone other actresses that I respect. It isn't necessary. I didn't need to see Lena Headey's boobs in 300. It would have taken nothing away from the movie to keep those puppies covered. I didn't need to see Julianne Moore's lady parts, either.

These actresses have a job to do. Make us, as moviegoers, to like them. To care about them. To make us feel welcome into their screen family.

How would you like it if Julia Roberts invited you over for dinner, then lifted up her shirt and shook her sweater monkeys at you?

Wait. Scratch that. I can practically see the male readers of this post grinning from ear-to-ear. Get your minds out of the gutter, please.

The train wreck Megan Fox is another example. No nudity, please. And it may sound strange, but I have no desire to see Lindsey Lohan naked, even though she's another train wreck like Megan.


You can't possibly respect Lindsey Lohan or Megan Fox. Right? Well, you are correct about that, but there is another factor at work here.

So, it's simple, really.

Like Amanda Bynes, Miranda Cosgrove, Christy Carlson Ramano and Miley Cyrus, I watched Lindsey Lohan grow up on the big and small screen. 

Looking at them in any kind of sexual way feels very dirty. These were kids at one time.

Keira Knightly, though, is another matter altogether. 

She has a special type of potential, a one-in-a-million kind of actress that we will be seeing a lot of over the next few years. 

Take a stand now, Keira, and get a no-nudity clause in your contracts...before it's too late. Showing your boobs won't kill your career, but people will respect you more. I don't think that Jennifer Love Hewitt has ever stripped in a movie, that I recall, and that adds to her appeal. 

Take a tip from Jennifer, then. Mystery, Keira, keep us guys wondering.

A couple of side notes. Parminder Nagra, Keira's co-star in Bend It, is now in the FOX drama Alcatraz.

Keira Knightly is getting older now, and I don't approve. Jackie Chan has been doing the same thing, and I find it very inconsiderate. Jackie turns 60? The nerve. And Keira will be 30 shortly? Inconceivable.

Whose boobs would you 
like to see most? 

Or, if you are a female 
reader....whose gentleman 
sausage would you 
like to see?

1 comment:

Jack Johnson John Jackson said...

why we have to choice between "funny" ; "interesting" or "cool" ? why not "OP is a fag" ?