The Origin of the 
Lobbyist

A Taste From My New Book

Some Funny Bits From 'Poison Well'

The following are a few excepts from my new novel. My main characters have to travel into Hell to save a child. Nothing electronic can survive Hell's electromagnetic energy, so there are no cool flying gadgets, no modern weapons, and either horses or antique cars are the only way to get around. 

Enjoy a sample.....

Contrary to popular belief, damned souls and demons were two completely different types of individuals. And even to the untrained eye, they were generally pretty easy to tell apart, too.

Damned souls, as in life, were out to work and make some serious cash….while demons tended to be more…rapey.

Most humans, caught up in the pursuit of happiness, also weren’t aware of what life in Hell was actually like. Take Detroit, set it in the middle of a scorching desert, break out the windows in every building…and turn off the power.

That was the average town in Hell.

These cities were mostly populated by damned souls, with a few well-behaved demons mixed in for flavor. Water and sewage was a constant problem, as was transporting in food and the other staples needed to sustain life.

Humans never thought about the fact that Hell had infrastructure comparable to an American frontier town - and like America’s Wild West, it was an absolutely miserable place to live.

There were automobiles, but 1945 was pretty much the cutoff date for anything with an engine - as nothing else would last more than a few miles in Hell’s harsh environment.

Fuel was precious, though, and most souls moved around on the dated – but exceedingly tough - steam train system.

Nearly every steam locomotive built on Earth was hard at work in Hell. Amazingly, no humans had ever really wondered where the steam locomotives had disappeared to after diesel engines were introduced.

Unknown to mankind, they had all been quietly moved to Hell one rainy night in 1949. It was rumored that Lucifer bought a very nice yacht after that sale, as he was already deep in the pockets of most politicians, and quite the Washington insider. Go figure.

My favorite bit so far, though, is how Hell's need to generate income has affected Washington D.C. and the politicians there....

Life, however, was hard for the damned in Hell.

Unsurprisingly, simply getting a drink of water was a traumatic event. In 1873, the idea of intermediaries was first presented as a career choice – and a relief from the ever-present poverty.

Damned souls rejoiced and jumped at the chance to work again. Mediators soon became an accepted - and even welcomed - part of Earth’s business community.

But Washington D.C. was, of course, another matter altogether.

Lucifer himself started the well-paying trend of ‘lobbying’ for corporations. By taking the Mediator model and twisting it a little, he created a unique profession custom-made for damned souls.

There were many powerful corporations in America that simply oozed cash - and those same corporations needed favors from politicians in the nation’s capital…the kind of favors that danced right outside the ethical line of the law. Wink, wink.

Putting the two together was child’s play for Lou. And make no mistake, politicians loved cash. Some Washington lawmakers were obsessed with upholding the laws of America, while others were more concerned with soundproofing their office bathrooms and installing a 60-inch Sony in the their private gym.

Lou could provide these luxuries and, understandably, had a lot of friends in Washington. Lucifer also had an extremely effective public relations machine that promised everything from an end to tort reform and punitive damages, to endless government pork projects. Politicians positively loved him.

The wheels in Washington turned smoothly. Over the last few decades, lobbyists from Hell had raked in millions of dollars in business; most of it funneled back home in the form of much-needed commodities.

In fact, Lucifer still worked for RJ Reynolds - the wealthy tobacco conglomerate - and it was Lou that had convinced Congress it was okay for schoolchildren to smoke cigarettes. Lou even designed the ad campaigns.

Having no conscience could sometimes be very rewarding. Lou drove a shiny new black BMW 7-series and owned a nice beach house in North Carolina…with six bathrooms.

Who said crime didn’t pay?

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In 1971, Christine Taylor had it all. An exciting job at the CIA, and an utterly perfect fiance. But her international flight went down, and she died....then things got...interesting.

Enjoy a quick video concerning Christine 

and her new mission below: